Megan Hart

What, it’s not enough to seduce me, you have to tease and taunt me, then leave me weeping, writhing, screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?

Yeah, eff March 25th, bring me more Supernatural next effing week!

I *loved* this episode. My Bloody Valentine, anyone? Oh, haha, so clever. *snerk* I mean, starting off with a pretty steamy (for Supernatural) sex scene that was NOT including Sam or Dean sort of made my insides shrivel, but when they started eating each other…wow.

I was eating during this episode, and lemme tell you, I was disgusted.

I loved it! So much to love. So gross. So many funny lines. Cupid of course knocked my socks off with his naked bear hugs and intrusion on Dean’s personal space. Castiel — “They’re not incontinent.” BWAHAHAHA! Oh, God, Misha Collins, you slay me. Seriously. The writers write the lines, but the DELIVERY, oh, my goodness.

They worked through the mystery, figured out what was going on, it all tied in nicely with the overall arc, Sam drank demon blood and though I know it’s wrong, oh, how I know it’s wrong…Evil!Sam, with the one hand out and the sneer, I’ll wait my turn if that’s what you want. I know it’s wrong to like Sam slurping demon blood but…well…listen there are a lot of reasons why the bad boy trope is so well-loved and it makes it even better when the damage is something he can’t help. So, bonus points for Evil!Sam! Hooray!

More demons, more nasty stuff, Famine’s teeth seriously made me want to barf. He reminded me of the guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and that really really old decrepit guy with the creepy voice…I can’t remember what movie he was in or what his name is…dangit…he made a career out of being old and decrepit and creepy in a wheelchair being evil and gross! Well, Famine reminded me of him. AND IT WAS GROSS, Y’ALL.

And then the end.

Dean. Oh, Dean. Dean, Dean, Dean.

Dean.

I stopped watching Lost because Jack cried too much, but I could watch Dean’s eyes well up every single freaking episode and want to cradle him to my bosom and comfort him and tell him it will be okay; but of course it won’t, you know, it’s the motherfucking apocalypse, son, and you and your brother CAUSED IT.

Jensen Ackles, seriously? Why are you so good at breaking my heart? WHY?

So that was last night’s episode, and now I have to wait until March 25th for a new one. Yeah. I am sad.

Not quite snowed in any more, but still have work to do to make up for the snow days. Twenty pages a day, dolla dolla, holla holla. Gonna finish COLLIDE next week or even this weekend, depending on the craziness that ensues (I don’t usually write on weekends but if the family goes skiing or some such thing, I will work.)

Today I also have to clean my house, because…ew.

M

Oh, Supernatural.

Oh.
Two months? Two months? Do you see the pieces of me all over the floor, Supernatural? Because that is what you have done to me. You have torn me apart like a Hellhound would. I am undone. I am shredded. Two months?

I can not bear it.

I’ve wept before, watching Supernatural. I’ve laughed, I’ve screamed. But tonight, watching Ellen and Jo…

I like to tease my sister that I love her, but I’m not sure I’d die for her the way Sam and Dean would. And I love Superman dearly but I’m not sure I’d *die* for him.

But I have a daughter, and I would die for her. And though I never cared for Jo, or Ellen, in the way I’ve come to care for and love Dean and Sam, I have to say that the last moments between Ellen and Jo were some of the most powerful and moving moments I’ve ever seen on a television show. A few minutes in an entire five seasons’ worth of excellent moments, and I find myself once again simultaneously hating and wanting to fall down at the feet of the writers of Supernatural.

Supernatural, you have once again killed me — only I’m not dead. I’m still here, ripped all up and covered in rock salt, because I have to wait another two months before I can see a new episode.

When she was a baby, I would go into my daughter’s room when she was sleeping, and I would touch her just to make sure she was still breathing. And sometimes, I would just hold her, not because she needed me to, but because I wanted to make sure she was there, she was all right, and I would worry that there would be a time when I could no longer protect her.

I think I’m going to hug my children tonight just a little harder and a little longer, even though I know they’ll be annoyed I’ve woken them.

And that, my doves, is all I can say for now. I have to go sob in the shower and wonder why I bother writing books, because nothing I ever do will ever make anyone feel the way I felt watching tonight’s show.

At least, I’ll think that until tomorrow, when I decide not to quit writing and remember there are always reruns and DVDs to watch until January 21.

M

I mean…he’s so…big.

He’s huge. He’s ginormous. He towers over everyone else. What is that like?

I’m not short. In fact, in some of my highest heels I can almost look Superman in the eye (and he’s not quite as big as JPad, but he’s still pretty tall.) I’d say I’m equidistantally used to both looking up at people and down. I can reach a lot of things on high shelves at the store. My jeans don’t usually drag on the ground. So, I’m not short, but I’m nowhere near HUGE.

But hey, how about Supernatural last night? OH MY FREAKING GLORY. Wow. Humor and Drama so expertly woven I was laughing one second and gasping the next. And Richard Speight, Jr.? Helllloooooo. Wow. I loved him as the Trickster before, but this new twist was so well-done, so perfectly circuitous…and he played it so well. I just have a whole new level of appreciation of him as an actor. And they lit him so beautifully, too — his eyes were so striking. Makes me want to look again at our church bulletin photo.

HAHA. I call it that because it looks like we’re posing for the church bulletin.

Anyway, I LOVED the episode last night. I loved where they’re going with it (I can put aside the slightly MarySue-ish tone of “you’re the only ones evarrrrr, it had to be youuuuuuuu! AND ONLY YOU!!!!) I loved the acting, I loved the humor, the tv stuff…

I loved the way Dean looked at Dr. Sexy. MANCRUSH. Add to that I actually live with Dr. Sexy who yes, did wear cowboy boots (and sometimes still does) and I got an extra kick out of it.

Gawd. Supernatural, you slay me. I wasn’t blown away by the first few episodes of the season but they just keep getting better and better.

And I’m sad, because there is only one first time. Only one first night of a new episode, and the anticipation, the not knowing what will happen. I’m going to miss it, and I weep internally at the thought of my life without new Supernatural. I WEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!

M

PS– And I wonder like…where does Jared buy his pants? How does he fit in a regular airline seat? Do his feet stick out over the end of the bed? How much food must he consume to maintain himself? If I stood next to him, would I even be able to jump up high enough to give him a high five?

It’s no secret I love Supernatural so you might guess I’m very forgiving of it, even when it doesn’t quite hit the mark. (I’m nice like that.) I was looking forward to this season, but dreading it, too — there’s a good chance it’s the LAST season, though now they’re making noise about coming back for season six and I would not complain about that, no sirree, but I’m sort of hanging on to season five as the very last bit of new Winchester brothers.

Thursday nights I sit down in front of the television with my pulse pounding. Waiting. Excited. It’s the only show I feel this way about. I enjoy other shows, yes, but this show is the only one that makes me feel THIS way. Supernatural is like that special boy in study hall who tosses paper footballs at you when you’re not looking, but asks your best friend to the dance instead, only to end up making out with you the next week after band practice.

What I’m saying is, even when it’s sort of bad, I love it anyway.

The first two episodes of this season didn’t make me explode. I liked them. I thought they were necessary and well done, well written and acted and filmed and catered and made up and costumed and everything. I liked them, but I didn’t *omglovelovelove* them. I liked the third one all right.

And then came THE END. (Just so you know, I don’t usually even know the names of episodes to refer to them that way, so I had to look that up. And then I found out that you can download fuhfree, ya’ll, that’s right, free, the song from the promo’s!)

Oh.My.God.

Post apocalyptic virus that makes zombies (or zombie-like creatures?) Sign me the f*** up, son, goddamn, that’s some GQMF shit up in there. Time travel? Get me a spoon for that bowl of yum.

Two Deans?

Hold up, now. Am I still alive? Or have I passed on to the great beyond, to a world with not one but TWO Dean Winchesters? And one’s really angry? Lemme pinch myself, because I swear to you I’ve died. Let’s not talk about the pink satin panties, because that might just make my head explode. Ok, let’s talk about them — because I TOTALLY believe Dean would enjoy a pair of pink satin panties.

In short, I loved the episode. LURVED. Yes, I did.

And the sort of best part/worst part was that because I was out of town I missed it and watched it on Monday night, which meant it was only a few days until last night, when the new episode was on. And guess what? Loved it, too.

I’m usually more a fan of the standalone episodes than the mytharc ones — was like that when I loved X Files, too. But Supernatural’s super good at mixing them. So you get a piece of the overall arc to keep that story going, along with a nice little monster hunting episode. And brotherly bonding. Gah, can I tell you how much I love the fact they’re back together (and not in that creepy f-ing way, either.) I knew they couldn’t be apart for long, I mean, they’re the Brothers Winchester, apart they’re not nearly as strong as when they’re together. So I’m happy they’ve been able to start working things out.

And wow, can Jared Padalecki get any bigger? Really? And that hair? C’mon now, I’m a Dean girl, tried and true, cross my heart and hope to die and go to two-Dean heaven, but JPad, you’re seriously giving me some Sammy love. Snap front shirts? Thank you costume person. Huge, giant Sam Winchester in snap-front shirts makes my heart happy in a way I can’t explain. I don’t think I’d like Dean in a snap front shirt.

Ahem.

Last night’s episode, sorry, I didn’t look up the name…the monster hunting part didn’t feel as fresh. Okay, they thought it was a ghost, turned out to be a god. Felt done before. But then again, it would make sense they repeat the “creatures.” I mean, even with a whole lot of things out there in the dark, they’re bound to come up against more than one thing that’s the same, and they’ve done lots of ghosts. But it didn’t feel “fresh” or new the way I’ve come to expect Supernatural to make the hunt. It didn’t matter to me — I still liked it. I still jumped when the weapons flew out of their hands. I still laughed at a lot of the dialogue. It wasn’t as funny as let’s say, Monster Movie (the ep I do know the name of) or as poignant, but it got the brothers working together and got Sam to stand up to his brother and got Dean to soften toward him. They worked on some things so they can move forward with the rest of what’s going on.

And then at the end, instead of “next week” it says SOON and shows a bunch of clips. What does that mean? Hiatus? CURSE YOU SUPERNATURAL, CURSE YOUUUUUUU! Why do you toy with my affections so? Why do you slip me that “will you go with me, yes, no, circle one” note and then ignore me on the field trip when everyone knows you’re supposed to sit with me on the bus and hold my hand when the teachers can’t see? Why do you eat the pie I baked and then leave in the morning without even a note and with the fork still on the kitchen table? WHYYYYYYY?

I’ve heard next week is still a new episode so maybe they’re just toying with us. Hard. And cruelly.

Anyway, that’s what I think about Supernatural, if you care. And if you don’t, isn’t it a wonderful world in which we live, that you have the freedom to read other blog posts about other things, and not this one?

Have a great weekend, everyone. I’m going to work super hard on these revisions today so I can start my new project next week. I’m calling it COLLIDE, and thank you, Joe Dallesandro, because without you I’d never have thought of it.

M

It’s almost like you wish you didn’t love them so much, because it hurts a little, to love them.

I haven’t thought much about Supernatural over the summer. It was enough to know it was coming back. Thinking about it meant I’d be putting myself into anxiety waiting for it to return. I didn’t even watch the reruns or on DVD or anything! I just pretended it was on last week and would be on next week.

Well, now the season 5 promos are starting and I avoid spoilers and I mostly don’t look at this stuff because HELLO…the more I want it, the harder it is to wait for it.

But I couldn’t stop myself from watching the trailer above and all I have to say is…

O, Supernatural, would you spare me over another year?

And then, there’s this.

I can’t even pretend I’m embarrassed about my Dean Winchester love. (Which I guess translates a bit into Jensen love, too. But listen, what’s not to love?!)

M

I might just die of anticipation.

Ok, since Supernatural went into reruns or whatever for the summer, my Thursday nights are bleak. To tell you the truth, I guess I suck as a fan, because I don’t watch the reruns on Thursdays. I’ve seen all the episodes and have them all on DVD or my computer (LEGALLY, people, support what you love with your wallets or else it might not be there for you to love it) and this time of year is a mess with trying to get stuff done before the kids get out of school for the summer.

Which is today.

Ahem.

Anyway, I don’t watch a lot of fan videos regularly but one popped up on my FB highlights list and I thought, why not. It turned out to be basically an ode to Dean Winchester weeping and being emo and angsting, and lemme tell ya, folks…

I FREAKING LOVE IT WHEN DEAN CRIES.

Now, this is strange to me, since I gave up on LOST because I couldn’t stand how often Jack cried. Like, literally, I once said, if Jack cries in tonight’s episode I’m not watching any more. And then he cried. And I don’t watch it any more. (though I wish I did. I loved LOST. A lot. I just…lost me.)

Anyway.

So I’m watching this video and I’m sort of all emo and full of woe and angsty but also content and replete, because while today IS the last day of school, I also finished my second or third or however many passes through it was (lost track) through NAKED, and I sent it off for critique, which means I am actually ahead of the game for the summer. I still have plenty of work to do, but I’m not frantic about it at the moment.

Frantic will come when I started working on editing Selfish is the Heart and I again feel full of suck. I also have to write a short Spice Brief which should be fun and not to taxing on me old goluva, droogies, but we’ll see. Such things has a way of turning on you, dunna you know it.

But for now, in this moment, with a Coke Zero at my side and the possibility of purchasing the new Killers album on the horizon, with my children not yet home and a gray sky, I’m content with my lot in life.

Actually, I had a whole lot more stuff but for some reason it got lost and all that got saved was this, so let me say that I just love Supernatural and I love Dean and I love Jensen’s single tear action.

That is all.

That is probably enough.

M

Yes, I know it was aired weeks ago…but the truth of it is, I was kilt too ded to really describe my feelings for it with any sort of coherency. Yeah, like I’ve ever been coherent when talking about Supernatural. That show makes me crazy like a FAWX.

Here’s the thing:

I LOVED IT.

Every second of it.

I really thought they were going to leave us hanging with the les freres Winchester at odds, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have stood it for the summer. I’d have just passed out in a pool of my own tears and not been heard from again until the fall premiere. I don’t like the brothers at odds — even as it makes for delicious emo drama angst, I can’t stand it! Sam and Dean should be there for each other no matter what, they are brothers!!!!!!!!

!!!!
!!!
!!
!

I loved that Sam was beginning to doubt. I never hated Ruby but I’m glad she got her comeuppance when it turned out she was bad. I’m glad Dean called his brother from Heaven’s green room to tell him he was sorry, even if the message never got through. I’m glad Castiel defied his superiors to help them.

Lucifer rising? Will they put him back in the ground? I’m not sure I like the idea of the final season being all about Lucifer walking the earth, but you know what? Supernatural hasn’t led me wrong so far. Any time it looks like they’re going to start in on something I don’t think I’ll like, they take me there or someplace else, and it’s all good. It’s better than good, it’s fucking awesome.

I spent the entire episode writhing in my seat. At one point Superman said “are YOU possessed?” I think he wasn’t even kidding. At the end of it, fade to white, screen goes blank, I literally SCREAMED. Just like last year, when they left Dean in Hell. But louder. With more angst.

Then I went upstairs and texted my friend at the retreat and just said “Oh my fucking god.” And she hated me because she wasn’t watching it until the next day. And then I had to CALL someone else so I could squee about it.

That is how much I loved the season finale of Supernatural this year. I turned me into a gibbering, writhing, screaming mess and I’m not sure I’ve recovered. I can’t wait for season five which is going to be so, so bittersweet, knowing already it’s the last one.

God. I don’t think I can stand it. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not of the mind they should just keep going just because *I* want them to, or any of us want them to. The J’s probably need to get moving on other parts of their careers, and I’d rather — MUCH rather — have the show end the way it should rather than be stretched out just ‘cuz. In fact, since every other year it was a question of “if” they’d return, not “when” I view season five as a sweet, sweet bonus to be cradled to my bosom and made pie. I will cherish every single second of it knowing it will be the last time I watch a new episode of Supernatural.

Gawd.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive it.

In other news, the Star Trek exhibit was pretty cool. I thought seeing the new Star Trek on the IMAX screen would be super cool, but even 40 foot Zachary Quinto was just too much. It was all too big. I know, right? Can you believe I’d ever say such a thing? but the IMAX just isn’t that great for seeing long movies…I mean, every seat was packed, they’re not comfy, they spilled all the popcorn beforehand so we couldn’t have snacks and getting out to use the bathroom in the middle was a nightmare. Even so, the third viewing was as exciting and delicious as the first two, and I still loved it. Just not as much as I thought I would seeing it so huuuuuuuge.

Also, I got to sit in Captain Kirk’s chair and on the bridge of the Next Generation’s Enterprise. Um, yeah, it was pretty freaking cool, too, I don’t mind saying. Don’t hate on me because my ass touched plastic that Shatner’s ass touched. Or maybe he never did, maybe it was just a replica. I dunno. It said it was the real thing. Either way, it was nifty and I had a great time. The only thing was, they didn’t allow photography, you had to get your picture took by wandering photogs and then buy them. Which of course we did. But I don’t know where they are, so I can’t upload them to show you. Sorry. I know you all wanted to see me in the Captain’s chair. It was really cool.

Did I mention how cool it was?

I’m not sure it was as cool as this: But lemme tell ya, if they’d had a chief science officer there to accost it might’ve beat out Star Wars.

M

Well, hello!

I’ve just had the most fantabulous weekend. It totally makes up for the weekend of suck I had last week. I spent Friday – Sunday participating in the Central Pennsylvania Romance Writers annual retreat.

I wrote almost 10,000 words — (and seriously, I should’ve done that last 700 but my brain was broke) or about 42 pages. This is a personal best for me, since I usually have just finished a project by the retreat and I fart around, lazily, and just take naps and stuff. But not this time. No. I didn’t get there until later than I’d planned on Friday, and then it was lunch, and then we watched the season finale of Supernatural, and then it was almost time for dinner…but I did write a few pages on my Neo. Then we had dinner and went to Applebee’s, after, for the annual celebration of whatever needs celebrating, and THEN we went to see STAR TREK! (for me again, for others, first time.)

*happy sigh*

Last year, the retreat’s boyfriend was Jensen Ackles, but this year it turned out to be @ZacharyQuinto. You have to refer to him that way — with the “at” in front of his name — because that’s who it is on Twitter. (I’m pretty sure @Zach isn’t the one updating his Twitter, but that’s okay.) @ZacharyQuinto as Spock gives my little geek heart glee, and I have SUCH GOOD FRIENDS they made sure I got my share of it this weekend.

Natalie even said “that would be highly illogical” when we were in bed with the lights out, and I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. Because she’s such a good friend, she knew that pretending to be @ZacharyQuinto as Spock would make me giggle.

But back to the writing. I figured out a lot about the story, I got a lot done, it’s going well, and I’m going to try and keep up the pace this week. Not 30 pages a day, that’s not possible what with family to deal with and not being able to just have someone serve me dinner and write until whenever and not shower and not move from the desk/bed wherever while I type and type and type…but that’s the beauty of the retreat.

Anyway, I came home and my brain was sort of broken and I went to bed last night at about 6:30 pm and now I’m getting ready to write, write write some more. Hope to make 20 pages today.

I’ll have to stay off Twitter. (@ZacharyQuinto, don’t miss me too much, okay?)

I had the best retreat, EVAR and would like another very soon!

M

Click To Play

I can’t even…begin.

Srsly. I can’t even put into words or even thoughts the depth of my love for Supernatural and even though I HATE THE BOYS AT ODDS…I love the show.

It knows just how to gut me. I am gutted. I am torn apart, sewn together, I am undone and redone.

M