Oh, Supernatural.

Oh.
Two months? Two months? Do you see the pieces of me all over the floor, Supernatural? Because that is what you have done to me. You have torn me apart like a Hellhound would. I am undone. I am shredded. Two months?

I can not bear it.

I’ve wept before, watching Supernatural. I’ve laughed, I’ve screamed. But tonight, watching Ellen and Jo…

I like to tease my sister that I love her, but I’m not sure I’d die for her the way Sam and Dean would. And I love Superman dearly but I’m not sure I’d *die* for him.

But I have a daughter, and I would die for her. And though I never cared for Jo, or Ellen, in the way I’ve come to care for and love Dean and Sam, I have to say that the last moments between Ellen and Jo were some of the most powerful and moving moments I’ve ever seen on a television show. A few minutes in an entire five seasons’ worth of excellent moments, and I find myself once again simultaneously hating and wanting to fall down at the feet of the writers of Supernatural.

Supernatural, you have once again killed me — only I’m not dead. I’m still here, ripped all up and covered in rock salt, because I have to wait another two months before I can see a new episode.

When she was a baby, I would go into my daughter’s room when she was sleeping, and I would touch her just to make sure she was still breathing. And sometimes, I would just hold her, not because she needed me to, but because I wanted to make sure she was there, she was all right, and I would worry that there would be a time when I could no longer protect her.

I think I’m going to hug my children tonight just a little harder and a little longer, even though I know they’ll be annoyed I’ve woken them.

And that, my doves, is all I can say for now. I have to go sob in the shower and wonder why I bother writing books, because nothing I ever do will ever make anyone feel the way I felt watching tonight’s show.

At least, I’ll think that until tomorrow, when I decide not to quit writing and remember there are always reruns and DVDs to watch until January 21.

M