So.
I have a lot to say, none of which will come out appropriately, but I feel I must say something because at the moment I’m feeling rather stabbity. Yes, that’s what I said. Stabbity.
I think that might be my new favorite word.
I guess the bottom line is this: I should stop being stunned at how poorly some people behave. I should cease to be shocked. I should no longer be gape-mouthed with dismay at the words some people choose, the phrases they use, the decisions they make to accuse.
Words have power. Spoken or written. And I should stop being so fucking surprised at how some people simply don’t care what they say, to whom they say it, how the say it, or why. They don’t care that once spoken, those words can’t be taken back.
Life’s not a novel. You don’t get to edit it once you’re finished. You don’t get to go back and take away what you said, or what you did, and you can *pretend* you didn’t say something, but it’s a good bet that even if you’re lucky enough to have people in your life willing to forgive you for being a jerk, they probably won’t forget. Particularly if you keep doing it. Over and over and over, and oh yeah, one more time, and not just to one person, but a whole bunch of them.
Yeah. Life’s not a book. You actually have to live with what you do, and what you say, and if you’re REALLY lucky, most of the time you don’t do or say anything that hurt someone else, but it’s going to happen eventually, and when it does, it’s a good idea to own it and apologize. Or you know, at least own it.
I really shouldn’t be surprised.
But I guess I probably always will be.
M
PS — and no, this wasn’t because of something anyone said to me, and yes, chances are very good you don’t know to what I am referring, but that doesn’t make what I said any less…important for leading toward my state of lesser stabbity-ness.
December 12th, 2008 at 1:02 am · Link
Not sure who did or said what….But people seem to be way more “Excitable” these days.
Also much less helpful!
I kiss ass all day at work still using the motto that the “customer” is always right (within reason) yet, I make a call, ask a question and usually get an answer like “I Dunno” then a shrug.
Ok, HELLO..if you don’t frappin know just point me in the right direction of someone who does.
Don’t just shrug…your getting PAID to do a job…so do it to the best of your abilities? Right…
Not so much anymore.
Just a shrug and I dunno then back to their cell phone conversation that I’m apparently disturbing.
Sorry..it sounds like you had a bum day/Run in.
Dana
December 12th, 2008 at 1:30 am · Link
I’m sorry. Feeling stabbity is no good at all.
Might I reccomend watching the JPad sex scene again?
I can speak from the experience of the past few days that when watched often enough, it can counteract a bad case of the stabbities.
December 12th, 2008 at 9:14 am · Link
Megan, nobody is perfect. I blurt even when I comment, which you’d think would slow the process down a bit more and give me time to rethink things, but no, I just blurt and go about my business not considering until after I hit submit or until after the words ring in the air about how they landed.
I was feeling pretty badly one day about this blurting thing I can do sometimes when I’m in a bit of a knot emotionally. A friend of mine reminded me that there’s two sides to blurting and we aren’t wholly responsible for the other side. A bit, but not the 100% we give ourselves credit for. The other person has the option of ignoring us and letting it just roll of their back like its greased and they can do no wrong. They do have that option and we can’t make that choice for them. Words have power, but intention and choice is far more powerful than that.
I realized that while I don’t like my blurting and I don’t like that little bit of responsibility I have for being thoughtlessly hurtful to someone else, I can forgive myself for it. Nobody is perfect. We can all only do our best.
By the way, stabibities is a good word. I likey. *grins*
December 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am · Link
@Greenwoman: You make a good point. Nobody is perfect. Sometimes, things DO slip out in the heat of the moment.
And then sometimes, people say things deliberately, knowing (and meaning) exactly what they say and simply not caring about the affects — which sometimes is still justified. Sometimes you simply have to say what you think or feel. But if you’re going to do that, you’d better be prepared to own it and apologize if necessary — you don’t get to just cozy up later on with a big shit-eating grin and fake like you never totally tried to break someone down with your words.
I find that frankly repulsive and arrogant. Say what you feel, say what you mean, but you’d better be prepared to own the fact you might have been an asshole while you did it.
December 12th, 2008 at 9:23 am · Link
@Jen: I might have to do that. Over and over and over.
December 12th, 2008 at 9:24 am · Link
@Dana: Yeah, what is UP with that!?
December 12th, 2008 at 11:15 am · Link
I know what you mean. I just get back at those people by a) being superior and b) not being around them. Then when they wonder why they have no friends? Oh, well. I am superior, remember?
That’s is my favorite saying, BTW. “I am superior”. I say it all the time. Not in a truly superior way. In a way that makes me better than shitty people.
And I am going to send you a link via email that will make you smile smile smile. Not sexin’ but almost as good.
December 12th, 2008 at 2:08 pm · Link
@ Megan: Well, if that doesn’t work, look at those stripper videos again.
All the vomit in your mouth should take your mind away from stabbities.
December 12th, 2008 at 3:13 pm · Link
I just noticed the new stabbity icon and it freaking rocks!
December 12th, 2008 at 4:54 pm · Link
Hugs, Megan, (unless you still have the knife in hand, in which case I’ll stand back but send you some loving karma).
Anne
December 12th, 2008 at 4:57 pm · Link
@Anne Calhoun: LOL. Thanks. Cyber hugs are all right, but in-person ones most often give me the chills. And not in a good way!
December 12th, 2008 at 4:57 pm · Link
@Jen: hahahaha, too true
December 12th, 2008 at 4:58 pm · Link
@Patty: Believe me, if I could just not be around people like that, I would.
December 12th, 2008 at 7:28 pm · Link
Megan, I wish I could send that to my sister-in-law to read. Anonymously, of course. She definitely has problems with doing exactly what you posted about, but she never owns up to it. Sadly this caused a 10-month rift in my family until my brother (her husband) finally made her apologize after they weren’t invited to my sister’s son’s baptism. That was 7 years ago and she still doesn’t pay attention to what she says, though she hasn’t gone quite as far as she did then.
Of course, nobody is perfect and I’m sure I’ve inadvertently blurted things out, but I try to always acknowledge I’ve done it and apologize when appropriate.
December 13th, 2008 at 3:16 am · Link
@Megan: Someone just sent me a whole batch of new ones.
They’re so disgusting, but like a trainwreck, I have to stop and look.
It’s certainly distracting!